I promise I will get back to "tell me a tale of how it was" series... but as I'm getting ready for my interviews at UMass Amherst this weekend and Rutgers in a few weeks, trying to prove to academia and myself that I have prepared myself enough to continue for a PhD ...
Only "Ain't it just like the present to be showing up like this?" keeps replaying in my head as Bon Iver sings his soul shaking song "Blood Bank". This song has many a meaning for me but what it clearly reminds me of is who I was as a freshmen here at University of New Hampshire. Now I'm a senior graduating and going on with my life... but when I hear that song, specifically that line, I suddenly am in my dorm room in that shithole of a dorm I will always love, Stoke Hall... in my little single after finally getting out of a built up triple, with all my collages on the wall, curled up on my bed working on some art piece for Intro to Drawing. I decided to post something that I had written my freshmen year... I know that spring break is coming up and people are finding out about where they are going and others are just waiting or have no idea. Whenever I read this old essay I see how far I've come (or right back to where I was) and I know a lot of you had felt this way freshmen year and are feeling like I do right now... scared, excited, hopeful, dreading, lost yet found, literally the exact same way we felt the first day we walked onto this campus. I'm sharing this piece of writing from ENGL401 because it's a voice of the past that I have always reread when I'm unsure of where I'm going. Maybe it'll help someone out there like it does for me. If not, I hope you at least get a good laugh out of it.
PS: Got an A+ on this paper ;)
Personal Essay, Fall 2009
I stopped pacing and glared at the washer. The towels beckoned me to deal with the present, maybe even check this off my list if successful. I winced as I opened the door, afraid to stick my hand down and either feel normal wet towels or a slime of judgment casting its disapproval of a horrible job done. 5…4…3…2…1…go. I reached down fast and patted my towels. The smell of clean reached my nose and I smiled to myself. Perfect. Maybe I’ll even do a load of darks tonight.